A Tale Told By An Idiot

Sorry for the Shakespearean Reference. The line just seems semi appropriate.... I’m an idiot. Disclaimer: I have no formal training, nor do I have higher level education in the field of clinical psychology. However, I think the psychological phenomenon that I just subjected myself to is that of what a chronic gambler suffers from. I “knew” that this particular bet was going to be the winner. Like placing your mortgage payment on the blackjack table, I had a resolute confidence that was based on absolutely nothing. Unfortunately, my wager was just swept away by a remorseless dealer that communicated not one iota of empathy. This “defeat” was in the form of my wife just confirming that we are not pregnant this month. I don’t know why, but I had that fool’s surefire confidence that this was going to be it. It’s been over a year since our third miscarriage. When it comes to coping, I’ve been racking my brain attempting to pick a lane. I struggle to find the clear path forward that affords me the ability to retain the sanity I have left in reserve. Do you take the high road of positivity and faith that it will happen this month? This approach seems to only increase the level of disappointment when the “monthly visitor” shatters your hope. Or do you go in the opposite direction and maintain a cynical outlook that softens the blow when you find out that yet another proverbial grain of sand has slipped through the hourglass. We try incredibly hard to stay the course and cling to the resolve that saw us through once before. I don’t know…. For starters, I suppose that I should probably stop thinking that I arbitrarily have the winning lotto ticket some months. Anyone out there gone through the same thing? I’d love to know what tactic you and your partner practiced in order to preserve sanity.

1 comment

  • After a very long time of needle sticks, infertility meds, etc, the stress, and “timing” of everything takes its toll on both of you. When it finally happened for us was the month we decided to take a break over Christmas because we didn’t want to risk having to go to the dr, etc over Christmas (because everything is so exact, timing wise). Well..wouldn’t ya know it..within a month or so, we were pregnant. We just needed a break. You become so “goal focused” that the act of getting pregnant becomes more of a chore. As tough as it is, maybe try taking a break from it..and I mean REALLY take a break for a month or two. See if it helps stress levels and get back to just having fun and doing stuff because you want to and WHEN you want to. 😉 Wishing you both the best of luck. I know this is a very tough road is so many ways. Sending hugs and prayers.
    Michelle

    Michelle

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