That Nightmare You Have Where You Can't Move....

I don't know if I'm on an island here, but I'd guess that many of you know precisely what I'm referring to. That nightmare you have where you need to fight a bad guy, scream for help, or run away from your angrier than normal spouse... but you're frozen. You're completely unable to move or do anything to change what your fate is clearly going to be unless you take action. But you can't. Generally it's just before the train that your wife or husband is driving runs you over that you wake up in a cold sweat. That's the best way that I can attempt to articulate what it was like through every gut wrenching miscarriage we've suffered. As a grown up, you're supposed to be able to solve your own problems. As a significant other, you're supposed to protect your partner at all costs. You're supposed to be able to offer solutions to the problems of those you love. But in this scenario, you can't. In fact, there's an ominous feeling of guilt that it may possibly be you yourself that is the sole cause of the failed pregnancy. It's that helpless feeling that makes a joyous occasion of seeing a positive pregnancy test equally terrifying. I've never wanted to punch a brick building to the ground more than after suffering one of these losses. The rage fueled by the deepest possible sorrow a human can feel is comparable to nothing I've ever experienced. Thankfully, my wife was able to endure that exact feeling, coupled with the actual physical pain she suffered and cling to her resolve to never stop trying for our baby. Gangster is an understatement when it comes to describing her ability to overcome. If you're reading this, know that you're not alone in regard to that empty feeling of helplessness.

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