The Sad Truth, It’s The World’s Best Kept Secret

How in the world were we so blind sided when we suffered our 1st miscarriage?! 1 in 4 (and that figure might be low due to lack of reporting) pregnancies end prematurely! That is a staggering statistic!! If there was a 1 in 4 chance I’d die while swimming, I’d drain my pool and fill it with the plastic balls from Chuck E Cheese! So, how did we have no idea?! Unfortunately, miscarriage is the “Fight Club“ of human conditions. The first rule of miscarriage is you don’t talk about miscarriage, and the second rule.... you get the point. But, why? I thought about it for the evening and it actually seems pretty straight forward. When people are trying to conceive or newly pregnant, that’s DEFINITELY not a topic one can simply insert into a conversation. “Congrats!!! Also, good luck, because 1 in 4 pregnancies end poorly.” Can you imagine that?! So, what is said? Nothing. Not a word is spoken to warn you of the potentially devastating peril that awaits you. Plus, no hopeful future parent looks for those stats. I’ve found that in the firehouse, it’s not until after it’s happened and I’m talking about it that several others say “yeah, my wife and I went through the same thing.” Unfortunately, it’s not something anyone wants to consider will happen to them. The important thing is realizing that it’s ok to discuss. I often find it outright awkward when I want so badly to ask someone how they’re doing during a crisis in their life, but don’t know how to do it. Ultimately the path forward is to just simply start a conversation. Kim and I never wanted to talk about it, but found that when we were with people who were close to us, it would sometimes naturally come out in conversation. It was cathartic. Don’t get me wrong, nothing erases the agony or fills the void left in your heart. I just remembered while writing this that with our first pregnancy, I was on a guys trip to Tahoe when I found out Kim was pregnant. I went with a few of the fellas to a local shop to buy a Tahoe onesie because I was so excited and couldn’t leave without an outfit for my baby. That onesie was never worn. To this day, I don’t even want to look at it. Wow, that was a long time ago.... It’s important to talk about all of this. It’s a heavy burden to bear alone and there’s nothing shameful about losing a pregnancy.

1 comment

  • Reading these initially made me think back to Mr. Neil’s English class, he’d probably be pretty happy that so many students are writing! Talking and writing are cathartic. Writing helps to keep it a little more organized and you can laugh, cry, smile… whatever and who will really know? When surrounded by the right people/environment, the talking is easier a “babbling brook” it just comes out, effortlessly. Thank you both for sharing your story! Prayers, love & hugs to more people and families like yours.

    Linda

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